Funny New Years Resolutions Sexy Sloth

Every year people make resolutions to change something about themselves or start doing something differently. Unfortunately, those new year's resolutions end quickly and they are back to the same thing again. Setting new year's resolutions has become such a joke that it's probably more useful to write a list of funny new year's resolutions and laugh at them. You could, of course, set resolutions for yourself at any time of the year.

Funny New Year's Resolutions

Here is a list of funny new year's resolutions that you can laugh at before you set yourself up for failure this year.

General Resolutions

I will…

Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
Promise to clean my room once a week, even if last year I only cleaned it when I had friends over.
Start a blog about my feelings and then bitch about how I don't have anything interesting to write about.
Stop pretending that's it's not time to take out the garbage by repeatedly smashing the trash with my arms. It's way better to take it out than to have my hands hurt all day.
Never again wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.
Every time I type a smiley face I will actually laugh-out-loud.
Never again will I ingest quantities of alcohol that surpass my body's limit.
My New Year's resolve is to make better bad decisions.
I will finally get rid of all the clothes that I know I will never again wear.
Always wear sexy underwear, "just in case".
I will stop making New Year's resolutions. I never keep them anyway.

Technology-Related Resolutions

I will…

Check my work e-mail account at least once this year.
Switch my username to "password" and my password to "username" to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out.
Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.
Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years.
Stop setting three alarms on my phone just so I can turn the volume off after the first one.
Play more computer games. Studies have shown that they improve visual skills, reflexes and dexterity.
No longer sit in front of the computer screen all day. I will only stay one hour a day. Nevertheless, this will be difficult to do because I am not a clock watcher.

Weight Management

I will…

Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you'll never find it.
Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.
Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year's holidays.
Start smoking to lose weight.
Eat more fruit… snacks.
Buy a brand new scale, because my mind keeps reading the same old numbers.
Drive by the fitness center at least once a week to pay my respects.
Use my treadmill for something else than hanging my jacket.
Instead of losing weight I vow to not gain anymore. First figure out how to maintain weight, then plan how to lose it.
Start eating more healthy, but I have to finish all the junk food first so I don't get tempted.

Finances

I will…

Pay off my credit cards every month in full… with my other credit cards.
Save some money for a rainy day. That way I can shop online instead of having to go to an actual store.
Look for investors for my "home office" business.
Avoid getting a divorce by practicing polygamy.
Visit the grocery more often than restaurants, especially when free samples are being served.

Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill Omaha Specials

As a family-owned establishment, Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill Omaha works hard to earn your patronage and provide the food, drinks and atmosphere Omaha, NE residents and visitors love. There's a sport for every season at Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill. No matter what time you stop by for a bite or a few drinks, you will always catch at least a few matches playing on our big screen TVs.

Monday:$14 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Tuesday:Happy Hour – ALL DAY
Wednesday: 6pm to 2am – $1.50 Domestic Drafts & $6 Pitchers
Thursday: $16 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Friday: $16 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Saturday: $16 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Sunday: $14 Domestic Buckets & $5 Bombs – ALL DAY

Monday Night: $14 Domestic Buckets & $5 Bombs
Tuesday: Happy Hour – ALL DAY
Wednesday: 6pm to 2am – $1.50 Domestic Drafts & $6 Pitchers
Thursday: $2 Busch Light & PBR tallboys, $5 Vegas Bombs
Friday: $16 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Saturday: $16 Domestic Buckets – ALL DAY
Sunday: $14 Domestic Buckets, $5 Bombs

Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill Omaha Contact Information

The Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill Omaha

The Caddy Shack Sports Bar and Grill Omaha

2076 N. 117th Ave Omaha, NE 68164

Phone: 402-932-3704

Hours: 11am to 2am

The Caddy Shack Sports Bar & Grill West Omaha

The Caddy Shack West Sports Bar and Grill

7007 S. 181st Street Omaha, Ne 68136

Phone: 402-905-3669

Hours: 11am to 2am

bibbknoter.blogspot.com

Source: https://caddyshackomaha.com/funny-new-years-resolutions/

Funny New Years Resolutions Sexy Sloth